2/9/2021 was my 29th birthday.
Numerology aside, this birthday was significant and essential to my spiritual awakening.
I’ve heard people tell me, “You’re staring down the barrel of 30!” Or “Hold on to your 20s!” when in all reality, I was just ready to grow the eff up.
Nearing the end of 28, I began to lose patience. Why was I so unhappy? Why did I put so much stock into undeserving men? Through the magic of therapy and self-reflection, I finally realized that I needed to stop making myself miserable.
My twenties were all about experiencing growth and pain, making the same mistakes over and over again. Finally, at the precipice of a breakup with who I thought was my be-all and end-all, I had to decide whether to go back and weather the instability of a familiar yet miserable relationship or jump headfirst, alone, into the unknown.
Thankfully, I took my chances. Alone, but not really.
Twenty-nine will be the year I choose myself. It is the year I heal from the chaos, the pain, and the uncertainties. It is the year I recognize my unhealthy behaviors brought on by my traumas.
The year I become the person I’m meant to be.
The days before my birthday and the next few days forward, I allowed myself and others to celebrate me. My existence. My life. All against my natural instinct, I’ve accepted this, no longer feeling undeserving. I dropped my one-sided toxic friendships that made me feel like I was the toxic one. I’ve immersed myself in the love of my friends, letting it engulf me—inspiring my self-love. Igniting the spark and setting flames to what makes me sparkle and glow, once again illuminating the beautiful person I know myself to be.
I found the beauty in all of my friendships and the role each person played. I discovered what each friend’s purpose was and what they are capable of giving and what their boundaries are.
“Not everyone can be your therapist,” I repeated to myself. And that’s okay. Some friends are there to laugh with beyond reason. Some are there for intellectual conversation. And some do have the capability to process emotions and feelings. And I thank all of them. For taking care of me. In their own special ways. For helping me glue back the pieces of my shattered heart and soul. For helping me cure my mind.
The love my friends give me shows me that I can show myself this love too.
I love them immensely. I feel at home again.